Escape

 Dear the mini pill

I don't even know how to express how grateful I am to you, you saved me from the period pains that crippled me and the mood swings and emotional distress that came with the combined pill (maybe it's more my family and friends that would want to thank you for that one). Thank you for letting me escape the anxiety I felt about when my period would start and most of all thank you for letting me run, walk and climb whenever I like without worrying about cramps.

You treat me right

Love from Lottie

Lottie, England

Unpredictable

Dear the injection,

My life has changed dramatically since meeting you; I've gained weight, and my mood swings are far from predictable. I still get my cramps but I dont get my periods which I thinks a bonus. But the best part is it brought me and my boyfriend closer. Thank you x

Anonymous, Wales

An End to the Dread

Dear Pill,

Thank you for changing my life. I used to dread each month for the pain and sadness it would bring but you took it all away from me and now I’m period and pain free and enjoying every month!

Kathryn, UK

Flaws in the System

Dear endometriosis,

You first showed up in the form of me having intense pain during penetrative sex. Then I started to become ill every time I had my period while I was on the pill. Then with the hormonal coil, I was finally getting a bit of a break from you for a few years but you sure as hell worked your way through that to the point where I was in debilitating pain. At my lowest, I had full blown contraction level cramps for two weeks straight. However, I don't blame you.

I blame the doctors who did not take me seriously for so long. Who eventually sent me to a psychologist to fix my pain, which was impossible and left me feeling terribly guilty about not improving. I blame the >20 medical professionals I saw over the years who never thought about endometriosis as a possible explanation for my symptoms, I blame the medical system that severely fails to fund research on bodies with uteruses and basically any body that does not belong to a white able-bodied man. I blame the "endo specialists" I saw when I finally figured out on my own that I have endo and then dismissed me based on incorrect arguments (which I learned thanks to the Hormone Diaries community, massive shout out to all of you).

Thankfully with help of this community I finally got the help I needed. Now, a few months after surgery I am stomach pain free, my bowels begin to function more normally again and with physio therapy and psychological therapy I can finally work through my medical traumas, and start getting my body and life back. I hope I never feel you again, don't take it personally but you're quite literally a pain in the ass.

xoxo, your host

Anonymous, The Netherlands

Bad Timing

Dear my period,

You always seem to appear when it’s least practical. Last summer the thing I was most excited about was having a holiday without you. For every single drama exam you decided to tag along, a very unwelcome companion. At least having this year’s exams cancelled means I have another year to build up the confidence to ask my GP about contraception. Maybe next year I won’t have to sit in a freezing sports hall in horrible pain trying to write in Spanish.

Not a lot of love,

Molly

Molly, England

You Picked a Taurus

Dear Heavy Menses:

Couldn't you have warned me first? Coming in a fury with headaches, nausea, cramps, bloating, hot and cold flashes, night sweats, even if I was out and about.

Why would you just do me like that making me miserable for days with blood clots, heavy bleeding, and dehydration requiring IV fluids?

Did you think that was funny having to get iron infusions and B12 injections in the ER for microcytic hypochromic anaemia?

You thought you won didn't you? You thought you beat me, RIGHT?

WRONG!

I met so many wonderful warriors in the Henry Cancer Center who also were fighting just like me.

Because truly being winded just walking up steps is no fun and we ladies want to play.

Sure, you might've thought when the doctor told me I was computer diagnosed with HUS (Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome) at 46 years of age - You figured I got her now- because you started it all....

But you can't win against someone who never gives up!

The choice is not yours to make it's mine and I just turned 47 having almost left this menopause world behind me. Your clock is ticking my friend.

Your time is almost up.

Meanwhile, I have been working diligently to get my weight in check, get my blood tests under control along with my blood pressure and pre diabetes-thank you BMP and CBC- but more importantly I won't go out with sinus tachycardia nor any EKG test -nor even a d-dimer or troponin high will do it.

You see you picked a Taurus!

We don't give up.

You don't realize the power of staying in faith after already having almost died in childbirth with a placenta abruptio and a son born with vater syndrome.

You have no idea I was already under significant stress -having divorced a malignant narcissist in 2013, and was left bankrupt, homeless, extreme poverty, and LT unemployed unable to get re-employed after raising 3 kids for past 20 years solo with a dual masters and 20 yrs of community service being awarded the highest our nation offers -Points of Light awardee- Thank you President George H.W. Bush (41st President of the USA)

You picked the wrong woman to mess with.

I won't put up with bullies like you.

I will win!

See you at the finish line my friend where I will be the one still standing strong as that beautiful 400 year old oak in my backyard which I'm now allergic too along with June grass.

Life is not measured in how many things you accomplished but in how many times you got knocked down and jumped right back up.

I'm here to tell you it's over between us. Take your friends with you and go.

With all my love,
Donna

Donna, USA

Poof! A Baby!

Dear My Irregular Period,

My story starts all the way back in 2015. I had just married my husband and we decided together that I should stop taking the pill. I had been taking the pill for 3 years and the entire time I never felt like myself. I cried all the time and was very depressed. As soon as I stopped, I felt like my old self. It was amazing!
I began trying to track my fertility and soon realized I had very long/irregular cycles. Anywhere from 30-50 days. I began to do research and came across The Hormone Diaries in 2016! It was a great comfort watching Hannah navigate through same changes I was going through. For the next few years I would bring up my irregular cycles with my doctor at my annual exam. They ran a few blood tests and since everything was normal, they said there was nothing to worry about.

Cut to fall of 2020. My husband and I decided to start trying to conceive a baby. Luckily since I had tracked my fertility for so long, I was aware of when I would ovulate.

Poof!

After a month I was pregnant! We were overjoyed. But unfortunately it was short lived. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 6 weeks. It was very hard. However, I was not to be deterred from our mission of having a child.

Poof!

The next month we found out we were pregnant again! This time the baby stuck. And I am currently 35 weeks pregnant.

I will never know why that first baby didn’t work out. Was it my body? Is it something to do with my irregular cycles? Was something just not right with that embryo? The questions still linger. But for now, I just focus on this special time in my life where we are about to welcome our baby boy very soon!

Faye, USA

Offended or Grateful?

Dear The Pill,

When the doctor at the walk in clinic said she'd like to change my pill from the combined pill to the progestogen only pill, because I was fat and the POP was safer, I didn't know whether I should be offended or grateful.

6 years of no periods later, and I can definitely say I'm grateful. No periods isn't the only thing you've brought me. You gave me my life back. I didn't realise how deeply my depression and anxiety were linked to my periods until I stopped having them. I stopped wanting to kill myself, I stopped hating everyone, I stopped being so damn angry all the time. You saved me from myself.

I know some people find the pill makes them depressed and alters their mood for the negative. I am so lucky and so grateful that, for me, it did the opposite. For me, taking the pill is the biggest form of self care I have. I am so very, very grateful.

A pill a day is a small price to pay for my life. Thank you.

Your loyal friend,

Anonymous, UK

Give Me a P, Give Me a C, Give Me an O

Dear Uterus,

I want you to know that I am sorry for fighting you and never trusting that you know what you are doing.

I had to try for so long to get your polycystic ovaries diagnosed, thinking you had endometriosis.

I want you to know that I'm not frustrated with you, even when my period comes later on in your preferred window of 34 to 60 days. I don't like my hairy chin or arms, but now I know that we have PCO (without the S), we can both be at peace with it.

I'll try harder to be calmer, for both of us, and I'm always in your corner.

I love you uterus.

Anonymous, UK

It’s Not Normal!

Dear all the GPs that brushed me off.

Fuck you.

In my senior year of school, I had 6 months of constant bleeding, falling asleep in class and so much money wasted on pads. According to my doctor, it was perfectly normal for someone my age (17) to have irregular periods.......but this ain't irregular, this is too regular....

Same thing happened the next year, another 6 months of blood and lethargy. Went to another doctor, same explanation of them and a script for the contraceptive pill. I never took that because the period stopped in the week after that particular visit.

This went on for a few years, and I gave up on doctors in my town and didn't consult another doctor until I was 20 and had moved to a city with more options.

New doctor said that having a period for that long isn't normal (duh) and she sent me off for bloods and a ultrasound. After that, she diagnosed me with PCOS and anemia due to all the blood I was losing. She went ahead and prescribed me the combination pill and Metformin (which is the automatic prescription for PCOS, but it really shouldn't be).

Went well for about a year on those meds, until I ended up in the hospital with a Pulmonary Embolism (blood clots in the lungs). Turns out the combined pill can cause blood clots, good to know! (I also have a Protein C deficiency which contributed to the clotting, didn't know this prior to the hospitalisation) Took me about a year to feel like I can breathe freely, but I still have constricted breathing sometimes and will have to take blood thinners for the rest of my life.

Now I'm on the implant to manage my PCOS, because going back to constant bleeding is the alternative. Don't know if I'm going to stick with that long term, but choices are limited when estrogen is ruled out.

If you made it this far, congratulations! Just please get your doctor to test your clotting susceptibility before taking estrogen!! It takes a blood test and may save your life.

Dana, Australia

That’s No Place for a Tampon

Dear tampons,

I truly appreciate you now, but there was a point in time where I could not figure you out.

My friends were using you, and it seemed like the product "grown-ups" used, oh, what a misconception. I pretended like it wasn't my first time using you, so there was nobody to teach me. Now it seems so straightforward. I assumed it wouldn't go up inside me because that's uncomfortable and why would you want more discomfort on your period. So I just tucked you neatly between my labia and hoped for the best. Fair to say you weren't designed like that and I soaked through my knickers much to my dismay.

I understand now and want to thank you for the times you have come in handy, We've been through a lot together.

Milla

Depressed and Horny

Dear the implant,

I had you fitted in 2016, you were my best friend for almost 3 years. You stopped me from getting pregnant, and you stopped my periods.

But you did sometimes scare me and give me fake pregnancy symptoms.

When it was August 2018 everything changed. My boyfriend and I were about to go to Spain for my birthday, I was out with my mum shopping for a new bikini, but then everything changed. I tried on the bikini bottom over my knickers and I had a feeling something had changed, I had this warm feeling that my period had started. I didn’t have any signs I was about to come on and I wasn’t prepared at all.

I went and bought some pads hoping it would stop before we went away. But it didn’t. Luckily my boyfriends mum had some pills to stop it so I took one on the morning we flew and every morning we were there until we came back.
When we came back we went down to my boyfriend’s nan’s, I went for a wee thinking my period had stopped as you do. But it came back and then I didn’t have anything on me, and I didn’t have any money on me, I asked my boyfriend’s auntie and she didn’t have anything, his uncle pulled me over to one side and took me down to the shop and bought me some pads. I felt rather embarrassed but he said it’s ok, every woman gets them it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

My period didn’t stop for 9 months, my implant was causing me pain and faint spells, but no matter how many times I went to the doctors they wouldn’t remove it. They gave me the pill that works along side it but that didn’t work.

Eventually I had you removed, and found a new best friend the hormonal coil.

So dear implant you are and will no longer be my best friend. You hurt me, caused me pain and to pass out. You caused my iron to be low, you caused me to have no sex life at all. You hurt my feelings, you made me crazy for months, you made me hate myself daily, you made me depressed and yet so horny and flustered. I hate you I hate you I hate you. And I’m glad you are no longer in my life.

Molly, UK

Kindly Fuck Off

Dear my period

I’m breaking up with you, I’m planning to get rid of you as soon as I can after lockdown. You have put me through hell and I’m not taking it anymore. I’ve dealt with you every month (why were you so regular all the time? Just let me miss one every now and then!) since I was 9. I’ve dealt with you for 10 years. So this is goodbye, I know I’ll probably see you again when I’m a bit older but for right now and the next few years, kindly fuck off.

Rory, UK

“Ride It Out”

Dear Implant,

How blind sighted I was when you promised me a spot free face and light periods. How low and confused, and sad I was when, after you were implanted, I cried everyday and didn't know why. My once upbeat optimism shot down in a flux of progesterone. I know they say, wait 6 months. I know they tell you, there are always going to be side affects. But surely it doesn't have to be this way? Surely contraception shouldn't have you feeling at your lowest low with doctors telling you to just "ride it out?". After pleading with my doctor, you were removed. I felt lighter. I felt me. I didn't know the reasons I had been feeling so blue were because of you.

Dear Coil,

THANK YOU. Hormone-free, decade long contraception. I've found my other half. We still have qualms (8 day periods... really?) and contraception research has a long way to go, but thank you for showing me that hormones are not the only option.

Love, Paige

Paige, England

The Pill Implant Super Team

Dear the implant,

After so many failed attempts at the pill to control my heavy very painful periods, you in conjunction with the pill gave it a kick in the butt and now I no longer have periods and no more pain.

Thanks friend xxx

Eleanor, UK

Peace of Mind

Dear The Pill,

From the age I first got my period (12) to 18, I was suffering from horrible cramping, irregularity and intense PMS symptoms. I dealt with it until I become sexually active was constantly spending money on pregnancy tests due to my irregular period causing fear that condoms hadn't worked. I finally decided enough was enough and started you, Pill. You changed my life. Not only have you regulated my period and made it a million times less painful, I can have sex with the peace of mind that if a condom was to break, there's a very low chance of me becoming pregnant. Most importantly, you have improved my mental health dramatically. Thank you Pill for making my life easier

Much love,
Louisa

Louisa, Australia

Never Accept Pain

Dear Periods,

I didn’t notice you getting worse. I didn’t realise my pain was not normal. Thank you for telling me there was something wrong. Never accept pain, find out why and what can be done to help.

Lucy, UK

Less Cramps, More Vomit

Dear my first pill,

Cramps as a teenager were awful!! In my last 2 years of school my attendance record showed me going home on a Tuesday afternoon every 4 weeks, like clockwork. 2 YEARS! But no, going off to university was when Mum suggests the pill might be a good idea ("you know..just in case?!?") So I met my first pill and WOW! No cramps, minimal boob pain, such a light flow, 7 days down to 4 and I could control it! Life was amazing! Every 4 weeks I'd bleed (as was recommended at the time) and then start a new pack on Saturday. On Sunday I had work but I'd often wake up feeling a bit weird? I'd go to work anyways and mid morning I'd be sick usually 3 or 4 times and then feel great again however, it was difficult to rush off the shop floor 4 times and be as white as a sheet for most of the day. A WHOLE YEAR I did this before thinking maybe it's my pill and it was! Why did I take so long to realise and make decisions about my body that were so obvious and causing me pain and discomfort???

Thanks Pill, you changed my life but I'm glad to have switched to your less spewy cousin pill now!

Anonymous, UK

You Could Have Warned Me

Dear IUD,

I got you to stop my periods and hopefully the pain that comes with them from my endo and you do that well! I can work and go for walks on my period now, and my bleeding is very light.

That said, why didn't my doc warn me that my first period with you would be so much worse? I was so freaked out when I was in more pain than normal and when I called the doctor she said it was 'not unusual'.

It would also be nice if you could convince my PMS to leave, but the lack of bleeding is enough for now.

Anonymous, Australia

Rollercoaster Period

Dear period,

You visit anytime between 26 and 65 days and you are either a dream or a nightmare. It's a rollercoaster of surprise bleeding, chocolate eating and boob pain that kills. A little more regularity would be great. Saying all that, you are much appreciated - life wouldn't be the same without you <3

Kristin, Scotland