Cracking Pair of Tits

Dear pill,

I am so sorry it took me so long to meet you, but thank you. I know you made me put on some weight which initially made me self conscious but I have a cracking pair of tits now thanks to you, and the little tummy I have now is so much better than periods that lasted more than a week and caused me so much pain and discomfort. Please keep working xxx

Kate, UK

Escape

 Dear the mini pill

I don't even know how to express how grateful I am to you, you saved me from the period pains that crippled me and the mood swings and emotional distress that came with the combined pill (maybe it's more my family and friends that would want to thank you for that one). Thank you for letting me escape the anxiety I felt about when my period would start and most of all thank you for letting me run, walk and climb whenever I like without worrying about cramps.

You treat me right

Love from Lottie

Lottie, England

Narcolepsy and Contraception

Dear Narcolepsy,

You couldn’t just let me get you under control easily could you? I was prescribed Modafinil to control you but of course a medication you’re definitely not meant to get pregnant whilst taking, interacts with the combined pill. Just before you came into my life, I was finally happy with the pill, I could take it all the time to stop my periods, it never let me down. I looked for a new form of contraception but the lack of research around you and Modafinil in young women didn’t make it easy.

I gave up trying to figure out what hormonal contraceptives may or may not be affected, and gave into the Copper Coil. It was a nightmare to get an appointment to get it fitted, and I had a very painful few days at the beginning, but despite that I feel better than ever.

I feel so much more in tune with my body. We have a good relationship now. And even you Narcolepsy, you annoying, inconvenient disease, I feel like we’re on the same level now. We get each other now. So thank you for forcing me to think about my contraception and thank you for pushing me to get the coil. I know I’ll have to put up with you whether I like it or not for the rest of my life and I accept that now.

I’m sure we’ll make it work.

April - whose brain you inhabit

April, UK

Assumed Straight

Dear pill,

Thank you for saving me from monthly depressions. It has now been three years since I last had a menstrual depression, and I have gained a normal life. A bonus is that I don’t get 9 day long menstruations, with cramps for days, anymore.

You’re not always great and sometimes you make me feel sick often, especially when I’m tired or hungry, and I will probably have acne scars on my chin forever now.

Taking you has been weird, both because I was vocal about my period before you and then suddenly you made it disappear. It makes me uncomfortable to tell people I take you because they automatically assume I’m straight. Taking you as a lesbian has been tiring to explain, always leading me into the difficult topic of depression.

In the future, I hope I can be free of my menstrual depressions without side effects. But until then, I will take you daily because the side effects are small in comparison to the dark I was in before you.

Best wishes,
Your friend

Anonymous, Sweden

An End to the Dread

Dear Pill,

Thank you for changing my life. I used to dread each month for the pain and sadness it would bring but you took it all away from me and now I’m period and pain free and enjoying every month!

Kathryn, UK

Flaws in the System

Dear endometriosis,

You first showed up in the form of me having intense pain during penetrative sex. Then I started to become ill every time I had my period while I was on the pill. Then with the hormonal coil, I was finally getting a bit of a break from you for a few years but you sure as hell worked your way through that to the point where I was in debilitating pain. At my lowest, I had full blown contraction level cramps for two weeks straight. However, I don't blame you.

I blame the doctors who did not take me seriously for so long. Who eventually sent me to a psychologist to fix my pain, which was impossible and left me feeling terribly guilty about not improving. I blame the >20 medical professionals I saw over the years who never thought about endometriosis as a possible explanation for my symptoms, I blame the medical system that severely fails to fund research on bodies with uteruses and basically any body that does not belong to a white able-bodied man. I blame the "endo specialists" I saw when I finally figured out on my own that I have endo and then dismissed me based on incorrect arguments (which I learned thanks to the Hormone Diaries community, massive shout out to all of you).

Thankfully with help of this community I finally got the help I needed. Now, a few months after surgery I am stomach pain free, my bowels begin to function more normally again and with physio therapy and psychological therapy I can finally work through my medical traumas, and start getting my body and life back. I hope I never feel you again, don't take it personally but you're quite literally a pain in the ass.

xoxo, your host

Anonymous, The Netherlands

Poof! A Baby!

Dear My Irregular Period,

My story starts all the way back in 2015. I had just married my husband and we decided together that I should stop taking the pill. I had been taking the pill for 3 years and the entire time I never felt like myself. I cried all the time and was very depressed. As soon as I stopped, I felt like my old self. It was amazing!
I began trying to track my fertility and soon realized I had very long/irregular cycles. Anywhere from 30-50 days. I began to do research and came across The Hormone Diaries in 2016! It was a great comfort watching Hannah navigate through same changes I was going through. For the next few years I would bring up my irregular cycles with my doctor at my annual exam. They ran a few blood tests and since everything was normal, they said there was nothing to worry about.

Cut to fall of 2020. My husband and I decided to start trying to conceive a baby. Luckily since I had tracked my fertility for so long, I was aware of when I would ovulate.

Poof!

After a month I was pregnant! We were overjoyed. But unfortunately it was short lived. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 6 weeks. It was very hard. However, I was not to be deterred from our mission of having a child.

Poof!

The next month we found out we were pregnant again! This time the baby stuck. And I am currently 35 weeks pregnant.

I will never know why that first baby didn’t work out. Was it my body? Is it something to do with my irregular cycles? Was something just not right with that embryo? The questions still linger. But for now, I just focus on this special time in my life where we are about to welcome our baby boy very soon!

Faye, USA

Offended or Grateful?

Dear The Pill,

When the doctor at the walk in clinic said she'd like to change my pill from the combined pill to the progestogen only pill, because I was fat and the POP was safer, I didn't know whether I should be offended or grateful.

6 years of no periods later, and I can definitely say I'm grateful. No periods isn't the only thing you've brought me. You gave me my life back. I didn't realise how deeply my depression and anxiety were linked to my periods until I stopped having them. I stopped wanting to kill myself, I stopped hating everyone, I stopped being so damn angry all the time. You saved me from myself.

I know some people find the pill makes them depressed and alters their mood for the negative. I am so lucky and so grateful that, for me, it did the opposite. For me, taking the pill is the biggest form of self care I have. I am so very, very grateful.

A pill a day is a small price to pay for my life. Thank you.

Your loyal friend,

Anonymous, UK

Until I Decide to be a Mum

Dear pill,

Thank you for allowing me to go on with my life for 8 years. You've been amazing, here's to a long friendship till I decide I want to be a mum.

Ariadne, Spain

Misunderstood Legend

Dear Birth Control,

The mini-pill? You're a misunderstood legend that just wasnt right for me. You stopped my period but were a lot of effort, gave me acne and made my hair fall out.

Sorry we didn't work out.

Combined-pill? You and I were once perfect for each other, but after my experience with the mini, you turned on me. After 3 weeks of excruciating leg pain to the point that I couldn't walk/sit/stand without taking a heavy dose of prescription painkillers (and a doctor pointing out it could be "a touch of endometriosis" in my legs that was triggered, I decided to end things. You weren't worth my suffering, I had a degree to finish and a life to live.

To my current beau, the hormonal coil. You are a blessing disguised by my uterus. Yes we have our ups and downs (the horrendous acne, hairfall and cramps for the first few months, and you giving my boyfriend’s penis a prod on occasion), but I'm down for the long term commitment if you promise not to be a dick for too much longer. I don’t believe in soul mates or "the one" but you might be the closest I've gotten to it so far.

All that said, to all of my birth controls, I appreciate your service. You will never be forgotten, and I will always remember that you stopped me from reproducing when I didn’t (and currently don’t) want to.

Lots of love,
Hannah

Hannah, Scotland

Contraception Choices Minefield

Dear my pill,

I started taking you at age 16 and it was golden from the off. We never had a disagreement over the next 6 years. They have since stopped making you and I am heartbroken. I have tried other pills, I am currently on the hormonal coil and, given the constant bleeding I have experienced on the coil (it’s been 7 months), I have gone on the pill again to help settle it down. I want desperately for the coil to suit me and to replace you but I am feeling drained and without hope. Having access to so many options today is wonderful and a privilege, but I cannot help being angry that it is such a minefield. Bodies, eh? For anyone reading, though, if you choose to go on the hormonal coil ask your doctor about going on the pill/staying on the pill at the same time. Apparently this helps your body get used to the coil quicker and you should be able to stop taking it after 3 months. This would have helped me. We just all need to work together to make sure everyone is as informed as they can be!

My heart goes out to anyone else who used the same pill as me and misses her as much as I do. Stay safe!

Natasha, UK

Not Worth It

Dear Pill,

I was made to go on you when I was getting sexually active, and it was great. We had a lovely time together. But over the years, you made me feel nothing, made me paranoid, made my mental health reach an all time low. The fear of pregnancy and the joy of being able to control when I would have my period wasn't worth it anymore.

I was beginning to hate you.

I would forget taking you in the morning.

I was beginning to think that this wasn't worth it anymore.

I had to think of another way to prevent pregnancy.

So goodbye, Pill.

I have moved on to the IUD. The pain in the beginning was worth it, my mental health feels so much better

Anonymous, UK

It’s Not Normal!

Dear all the GPs that brushed me off.

Fuck you.

In my senior year of school, I had 6 months of constant bleeding, falling asleep in class and so much money wasted on pads. According to my doctor, it was perfectly normal for someone my age (17) to have irregular periods.......but this ain't irregular, this is too regular....

Same thing happened the next year, another 6 months of blood and lethargy. Went to another doctor, same explanation of them and a script for the contraceptive pill. I never took that because the period stopped in the week after that particular visit.

This went on for a few years, and I gave up on doctors in my town and didn't consult another doctor until I was 20 and had moved to a city with more options.

New doctor said that having a period for that long isn't normal (duh) and she sent me off for bloods and a ultrasound. After that, she diagnosed me with PCOS and anemia due to all the blood I was losing. She went ahead and prescribed me the combination pill and Metformin (which is the automatic prescription for PCOS, but it really shouldn't be).

Went well for about a year on those meds, until I ended up in the hospital with a Pulmonary Embolism (blood clots in the lungs). Turns out the combined pill can cause blood clots, good to know! (I also have a Protein C deficiency which contributed to the clotting, didn't know this prior to the hospitalisation) Took me about a year to feel like I can breathe freely, but I still have constricted breathing sometimes and will have to take blood thinners for the rest of my life.

Now I'm on the implant to manage my PCOS, because going back to constant bleeding is the alternative. Don't know if I'm going to stick with that long term, but choices are limited when estrogen is ruled out.

If you made it this far, congratulations! Just please get your doctor to test your clotting susceptibility before taking estrogen!! It takes a blood test and may save your life.

Dana, Australia

Fear of Pregnancy

Dear my progesterone-only pill,

When I first started taking you four years ago I was so relieved I wouldn’t be dealing with my monthly visit from Aunty Flo anymore. You took away my pain and discomfort! However, I don’t know if what you gave me instead was worth it... the crippling anxiety, the constant fear that - even though I was TAKING THE PILL - I would definitely get pregnant, and feverishly take test after test, even though the bf and I are always careful. I would burst into tears with every negative result, even though that is...what...I...wanted? To this day anxiety follows me around like a nasty smell. Can’t get rid of it. The fear of pregnancy is what keeps me from kicking you to the curb. So while I thank you for keeping the physical pain at bay, you SUCK for giving me the mental and emotional pain of constant worry. In a few years, when bf and I want to start a family, you are OUTTA HERE.

Chessy, UK

The Pill Implant Super Team

Dear the implant,

After so many failed attempts at the pill to control my heavy very painful periods, you in conjunction with the pill gave it a kick in the butt and now I no longer have periods and no more pain.

Thanks friend xxx

Eleanor, UK

Peace of Mind

Dear The Pill,

From the age I first got my period (12) to 18, I was suffering from horrible cramping, irregularity and intense PMS symptoms. I dealt with it until I become sexually active was constantly spending money on pregnancy tests due to my irregular period causing fear that condoms hadn't worked. I finally decided enough was enough and started you, Pill. You changed my life. Not only have you regulated my period and made it a million times less painful, I can have sex with the peace of mind that if a condom was to break, there's a very low chance of me becoming pregnant. Most importantly, you have improved my mental health dramatically. Thank you Pill for making my life easier

Much love,
Louisa

Louisa, Australia

Less Cramps, More Vomit

Dear my first pill,

Cramps as a teenager were awful!! In my last 2 years of school my attendance record showed me going home on a Tuesday afternoon every 4 weeks, like clockwork. 2 YEARS! But no, going off to university was when Mum suggests the pill might be a good idea ("you know..just in case?!?") So I met my first pill and WOW! No cramps, minimal boob pain, such a light flow, 7 days down to 4 and I could control it! Life was amazing! Every 4 weeks I'd bleed (as was recommended at the time) and then start a new pack on Saturday. On Sunday I had work but I'd often wake up feeling a bit weird? I'd go to work anyways and mid morning I'd be sick usually 3 or 4 times and then feel great again however, it was difficult to rush off the shop floor 4 times and be as white as a sheet for most of the day. A WHOLE YEAR I did this before thinking maybe it's my pill and it was! Why did I take so long to realise and make decisions about my body that were so obvious and causing me pain and discomfort???

Thanks Pill, you changed my life but I'm glad to have switched to your less spewy cousin pill now!

Anonymous, UK

19 Day Cycle

Dear The Pill,

Thank you for rescuing me from a cycle that lasted a mere 19 days. Thank you for saving me from having a period EVERY 2 AND A HALF WEEKS. Thank you for relieving my agonising back pains that would keep me up at night, retching into a bucket. Thank you for having absolutely no side effects whatsoever (I know, I'm extremely lucky). Most of all, thank you for letting me take back control of my body. It's made my life a hell of a lot easier.

Evie, UK

Goodbye Pill, Hello Condoms!

Dear Pill,

It's been a while since I've given you much thought.

I'd say I'm sorry but I'm not.

October 2019 (9 months ago) after many years of yearning for change. I stopped taking you. You suited me at the start, throughout my late teens and early 20s but I grew anxious at the thought of you and what effects you were having on my body. We spent 7 years together but during most of that time I feared a missed pill, the long term effects on my body, infertility but above all I knew my mental health was suffering badly! I did consult my doctor about non-hormonal methods but all in all I didn't get great help, they tried. Saying goodbye to you was the best decision of my life! I feel like myself.

The pms symptoms I get have changed a bit now (sorer menstrual cramps, headaches, fatigue, moodiness, sore/heavy boobs) but at least I can rest assured that it is my natural body doing its thang! I'm lucky to have a loving supportive boyfriend who has been so helpful. We use condoms at all times and though I thought it would stress me out so much, I actually feel more in control then I ever did with you, pill. Our relationship and our communication has benefited so much through navigating condoms and everything else. I'm just so happy, dont know what I was so afraid of!

Thanks for the time you gave me,

You did come in handy in fairness

So long old friend,
Claire x
Claire, Ireland

Say Hi to the Boobs

Dear boobs,

We have a very weird relationship, huh? You've always been really tiny, and that's okay, but why did you have to get smaller? I had the same breast size for years, but when I started taking the pill, you began to hurt. I thought I would try on different bras, and turns out I went down a cup size. It was a very weird symptom, I've googled it and assume it's because of the "hormonal changes". I wish you got a little bigger, because right now the triangular shape makes it hard to not wear a bra when I go outside. Some days I'm very insecure about your small size, but some days I'm like screw that my boobs are great! Let's see how we are in the future when I have babies and you get bigger then ey, maybe I'll miss you or maybe I won't. Either way, thanks for being boobs nonetheless. My boyfriend says hi too.

Love from Emma.

Emma, UK