Diagnosis Party!

Dear period,

Here we are. About 9 years after my first period. It has been a wild ride so far. Over the past years we have dealt with so many irregular periods, horrible cramps, pregnancy scares and so much more. I have always felt that there was something a bit off about you. I never knew what and I was never encouraged to figure it out. Never. I was actually advised against figuring out what was actually wrong. I felt helpless, scared, frustrated and so much more. Until I was done with all of that and decided that I needed to know what was wrong. We have dealt with 3 types of different birth control pills, broken condoms, an implant, coitus interruptus, fertility awareness methods to finally come to the hormonal coil. Because the other methods weren't especially helpful with regulating you and giving me the security I needed to feel safe, I came down to the decision to get a hormonal coil. Not using any other birth control except condoms was not an option because my partner didn't feel safe enough. So I came down to a coil. But not after I went to multiple doctors to insist a examination about PCOS. I had read so much about this hormonal disorder that I was certain that this was it. And it was. Finally after all those years of not knowing what was happening, I finally do. And it brings me so much joy that I don't have to question my period every time it happens.

Love Sophie

Sophie, Netherlands

Funny Story

Dear IUD,

The 10 seconds of pain putting you in is well worth the lighter periods and sex (especially the sex). My anxiety is lessened about unplanned pregnancy thanks to you. Plus, you gave me that funny story about the med student who was so excited when I told her she could look at my vagina too instead of just politely standing by the door unable to see anything.

Chris, USA

A ‘Normal’ Sex Life

Dear Vaginismus,

You have ruined my chances of having a 'normal' sex life. Not just physical but the mental exhaustion and questioning whether my partner still wants to be with me when he is such a sexual person and I am not and cannot. Even three years after physiotherapy and sexual health counseling, I am still struggling daily and really do not want this to tear my relationship apart when everything else is great. You have crushed my self-esteem and self-worth. Why me?

Please leave me alone.

Anonymous, UK

Flaws in the System

Dear endometriosis,

You first showed up in the form of me having intense pain during penetrative sex. Then I started to become ill every time I had my period while I was on the pill. Then with the hormonal coil, I was finally getting a bit of a break from you for a few years but you sure as hell worked your way through that to the point where I was in debilitating pain. At my lowest, I had full blown contraction level cramps for two weeks straight. However, I don't blame you.

I blame the doctors who did not take me seriously for so long. Who eventually sent me to a psychologist to fix my pain, which was impossible and left me feeling terribly guilty about not improving. I blame the >20 medical professionals I saw over the years who never thought about endometriosis as a possible explanation for my symptoms, I blame the medical system that severely fails to fund research on bodies with uteruses and basically any body that does not belong to a white able-bodied man. I blame the "endo specialists" I saw when I finally figured out on my own that I have endo and then dismissed me based on incorrect arguments (which I learned thanks to the Hormone Diaries community, massive shout out to all of you).

Thankfully with help of this community I finally got the help I needed. Now, a few months after surgery I am stomach pain free, my bowels begin to function more normally again and with physio therapy and psychological therapy I can finally work through my medical traumas, and start getting my body and life back. I hope I never feel you again, don't take it personally but you're quite literally a pain in the ass.

xoxo, your host

Anonymous, The Netherlands

Never Assume

Dear Doctor,

Pap smears aren't supposed to be that painful. It shouldn't have made me cry and scream in a way I've never heard myself scream before. It shouldn't have been the most traumatic moment of my life. You shouldn't have kept going.

Afterwards you asked, "Does it hurt that much during sex?" I said, "I've never had sex before." You were shocked, embarrassed.

"Oh, I assumed you had since you've been with your boyfriend for so long."

You shouldn't have assumed. You shouldn't assume anything.

You should have stopped when I screamed. You should have communicated. You should have asked.

Please promise me you'll never assume anything about your patients again, especially when it comes to their sexual health.

Sincerely,

Anonymous, USA

Misunderstood Legend

Dear Birth Control,

The mini-pill? You're a misunderstood legend that just wasnt right for me. You stopped my period but were a lot of effort, gave me acne and made my hair fall out.

Sorry we didn't work out.

Combined-pill? You and I were once perfect for each other, but after my experience with the mini, you turned on me. After 3 weeks of excruciating leg pain to the point that I couldn't walk/sit/stand without taking a heavy dose of prescription painkillers (and a doctor pointing out it could be "a touch of endometriosis" in my legs that was triggered, I decided to end things. You weren't worth my suffering, I had a degree to finish and a life to live.

To my current beau, the hormonal coil. You are a blessing disguised by my uterus. Yes we have our ups and downs (the horrendous acne, hairfall and cramps for the first few months, and you giving my boyfriend’s penis a prod on occasion), but I'm down for the long term commitment if you promise not to be a dick for too much longer. I don’t believe in soul mates or "the one" but you might be the closest I've gotten to it so far.

All that said, to all of my birth controls, I appreciate your service. You will never be forgotten, and I will always remember that you stopped me from reproducing when I didn’t (and currently don’t) want to.

Lots of love,
Hannah

Hannah, Scotland

You Owe Me Money For Lube

Dear Vaginal Ring,

Thanks for messing with my libido so badly my partner started thinking I was asexual and for eliminating any kind of natural lubrification! You owe me the money for lube :)

AJ, Italy

Thanks but No Thanks

Dear Vaginismus,

You will not beat me! Ever since the ectropion made sex no fun and I had to have the cysts on my cervix cauterised you've hung around.

In some ways, I should thank you; you've brought my partner and me closer together and made our relationship about more than being physically intimate. In other ways, I wish we'd been able to have a normal sex life during my 20s ...

Now that I'm 30 we're working on having a family and with him at my side, we will overcome you. So thanks but no thanks. Goodbye!

Anonymous, UK