Please Come Back

Dear period,

Please come back. I don’t know why you've left for over 1 year. My doctor says it's because I'm really stressed, but she doesn’t sound too confident. I know that most girls hate their period, but I really just want you back so that I can feel normal again. Please.

Love, Livvy

Livvy, USA

A Mild Inconvenience

Dear pill,

Thank you for turning my 7 day periods into 5 day ones. I just wish I had never decided to take you at 4pm everyday as that’s now very inconvenient. If I could suggest any future improvements, I’d ask that you please make my periods lighter, and maybe bring my sex drive back. Thanks babe x

Anonymous, England

50 Days and 50 Nights (Of Bleeding)

Dear Implant,

You honestly caused a shit storm for five months. Bleeding for 50 days straight will apparently land you with an iron infusion and this thick, sickly fog that won’t leave you. I despised you at first, as the whole point of getting you was to decrease my bleeding and my pain. I was frustrated with you. I couldn’t take the pill because it made me ill, I couldn’t do an IUD because of trauma, you were my last hope. And I wanted to get you removed.

But now; the pain is gone. The cramping that would literally have me cemented in bed for 14 days has vanished. I hate feeling you in my arm, but I thankful that you finally started to work.

Anonymous, USA

No Worries

Dear the hormonal coil, the best IUD

Thank you for SAVING me from 8+ days of incredibly painful and heavy periods that made me wish I was a man. I no longer worry about being pregnant from having a 40+ day cycle too. It’s taken a huge load off my shoulders, pun intended.

Anonymous, Puerto Rico

“Part of Life”

Dear Doctor,

I wish you would have believed me. The first time I visited you about my period pain I was thirteen years old. You said the pain was normal. You used the word "complaining". You told me to use paracetamol.

The second time I visited you I told you I was missing weeks per month at school. I couldn't walk for the first two days each cycle for the pain. You prescribed me something stronger but it didn't help. No referral. No gynaecologist.

The third time I visited I cried, I begged you to help, you told me I was a woman now and my pain was "part of life". I was fourteen and I cried harder. I had to "learn to cope". I saw myself as weak.

The seventh time I visited you, I was nineteen, I was at university, I knew my pain wasn’t normal, my flat mates saw me screaming on the bathroom floor and told me they were worried. I got my referral.

I didn't visit you an eighth time. I had been to the hospital, been scanned, sat in the whirring MRI machine praying they would find something, something that could be treated.

They did.

The consultant told me, I had been born with a birth defect inside. Two uteruses sharing one small cervix that isn't wide enough. My blood had been collecting inside of me. My body contracting harder and harder each month to try to push it out.

I didn't visit an eighth time, because as much as I wanted to tell you I was right all along, that I wasn’t complaining or weak. Instead of visiting I changed GP practice. I realise now that girls deserve to be listened to. To be believed.

Today I am cared for by a gynaecologist who listens to me. I take muscle relaxants to ease the contractions, I am having surgery next month to allow me to carry children. I feel heard. I feel believed. My periods will never be "normal" but at least now I am in control.

@spooniefighter

Natalie, UK

I <3 My Coil

Dear coil,

Thank you for giving me the other three weeks of the month to me. Stopping the migraines, tsunami blood flow and saving me so much money in tampons and pads, (because I had to change both every hour to avoid the tsunami). I’m not sure how I got to 33 without you. My boobs only hurt a little bit now, and my painkiller taking has gone down. I was on strong painkillers, which clot my blood enough that I could use a menstrual cup and a pad. Now I only need a night time one at night, and normal middle ones for day time, only needing to empty the cup three times a day.

Since I had you inserted I have been able to have a light coloured bottom sheet since I don’t bleed out in the night. I keep running through pms, my period (always had to have a week off for that) and the weeks recovery without injury as I couldn’t feel it due to the drugs.

I only get the odd cramp, and my diarrhea is solved.

I have a few extra spots, but nothing as bad as when I ate cheese and milk and ice cream and store bought cake. Or soya. Or monosodium glutamate.

And have I gotten a little chunky due to quarantine or is it you? We shall never know.

There’s no going back now. How did I drive to work when my vision was swimming? How am I alive!

Sincerely
I<3my coil

Anonymous, UK

I Am Strong

Dear copper coil,

I still vividly remember how painful it was to get you, the following 24 hrs where it was hard to stand and I wanted to be sick. My periods got longer, bloodier and so much more painful. Yet I fought to get you. Doctors told me it wasn't advisable as I'd never given birth, I'd had bad periods before which meant I would probably not have an easy time with you. But I was determined to try.

I had been on the combined pill, my first contraceptive, for a year and I felt so relieved that my periods had finally become predictable. They still hurt but they were short, less bloody. It took a long time for me to realise my mind was affected instead. The doctor said my depressive feelings were only a result of Masters year stress, not the pill. I had to wait to till the year was over. I believed her. It didn't get better. I returned and requested a new method of contraceptive, one that didn't make me a ball of anxiety if I took it half an hour late. She suggested the implant, a progesterone-only contraceptive that would go in my arm and last for 3 years. Perfect I thought, it was a year and a half later as I fell into a depression related to work pressure that I discovered through my own research that progesterone is linked to low mood side effects. I had periods that lasted weeks, I became anaemic and my hair thinned. It took months to get the implant removed.

A new doctor, a new combined pill, this had a lower dose of progesterone and my periods came back under control, I even hoped my mood was a little better. However, I was badly depressed, going to counselling and taking antidepressants, I was desperate to do anything to lighten the strain. I started looking at non-hormonal contraceptives.

Condoms only terrified me, I never want to be pregnant. That left the copper coil. I was advised toward the hormonal progesterone coil, "It's a low localised dose, fewer side effects, like only taking two pills a week". I was unmoved, I knew my body now. I got almost every side effect on the progesterone implant, I knew this meant the hormonal coil wouldn't lessen my periods, so what benefit was there if it continued to add to my depression? I had to know how bad my mental state really was, free from hormones.

So I got you, the 5-year copper IUD, and they had not been sugar-coating the insertion pain (next time, I want stronger pain medication than two paracetamol). But I'm functioning better, my depression is still here but I have only had one panic attack in the last 3 months since I got you. The mental space dedicated to fear of missed contraceptives is now free. My periods suck but I'm taking the physical pain over mental pain joyfully. I've got prescription pain killers as of my fourth month of coil periods, something I should have asked for as a teenager when I missed school due to period pain.

So, dear copper IUD, thank you. You showed me I could stick up for myself, that my mental health was a valid factor and it's ok to ask for help and a second opinion until a better solution is found. There are no medals for crying in pain so I kicked my pride out the window and asked for painkillers that would actually do something. In an odd way, you taught me to stop punishing myself, even if you do hurt like f**k.

Thanks for showing me I'm strong.

Anonymous, Northern Ireland

Searching For Answers

Dear periods and potential endometriosis,

You have made my teen years a bit of a mess. The disappointment of being sent home on school trip due to my pain and falling asleep curled up on the bathroom floor becoming a regular occurrence. Soon I will have an answer to why this is happening. I cannot wait for my surgery and to finally get a diagnosis or explanation I've been waiting and fighting for answers for too long.

Anonymous

Tolerating My Period

Dear menstrual cycle,

I wish I didn't have you. I know you are very important, but as a trans person I really struggle with you.

I know I will be happier when you are gone, but for now I can tolerate you. One day you will be gone and I will be truly happy, that is enough to keep me moving forward.

Moira, Australia

150 Days!

Dear my hormonal coil,

Thanks!! Thanks so much for 150 days now of no periods and no pain. Plus, it's lovely having a great and spontaneous sex life with my boyfriend.

It was weird at first, the idea of having something new inside me, and it did require an afternoon in bed when you were put in. But I'm so grateful!!

Love, Hannah

Hannah, UK

Bloody PE Mat

Dear PE gymnastics mat,

I am so sorry that I forgot my period was due and had my period on you.

When I was about 11-12 years old I got my period during a PE lesson at school. I was sitting on the mat for about 20 minutes listening and watching someone else’s performance... little did I know I bled through my underwear and PE shorts and then onto the PE safety mat lol. It was mortifying then but I just laugh.

P.S. I know it’s gross but I just left it there, male PE teacher and I didn’t know what to do.

Sorry again PE mat with love xx

Anonymous

Which is Worse?

Dear The Pill,

You have made my periods 4 days long instead of 7. You have made them lighter, and less painful, and more bearable, but you also cause me to have intense cramps in my cervix and pass clots big enough to fill my menstrual cup. You’ve stolen my sex drive and made my mood swings go wild, yet I feel addicted to you. I’m scared of what will happen if I come off of you, I’m scared the pain and length and heaviness of my periods will come back. I no longer know what’s worse. Heavy, painful, unbearable periods, or mood swings and a lack of sex drive which is threatening my relationship

Please sort it out.

Thanks

Charlotte, England

Diagnosis Party!

Dear period,

Here we are. About 9 years after my first period. It has been a wild ride so far. Over the past years we have dealt with so many irregular periods, horrible cramps, pregnancy scares and so much more. I have always felt that there was something a bit off about you. I never knew what and I was never encouraged to figure it out. Never. I was actually advised against figuring out what was actually wrong. I felt helpless, scared, frustrated and so much more. Until I was done with all of that and decided that I needed to know what was wrong. We have dealt with 3 types of different birth control pills, broken condoms, an implant, coitus interruptus, fertility awareness methods to finally come to the hormonal coil. Because the other methods weren't especially helpful with regulating you and giving me the security I needed to feel safe, I came down to the decision to get a hormonal coil. Not using any other birth control except condoms was not an option because my partner didn't feel safe enough. So I came down to a coil. But not after I went to multiple doctors to insist a examination about PCOS. I had read so much about this hormonal disorder that I was certain that this was it. And it was. Finally after all those years of not knowing what was happening, I finally do. And it brings me so much joy that I don't have to question my period every time it happens.

Love Sophie

Sophie, Netherlands

Dysphoria, Go Fuck Yourself

Dear my distressingly intense Dysphoria

First of all I’d like to kindly ask you to go fuck your self. Second of all why would you do this to me. I’ve been nothing but decent to my body (I say decent cause I haven’t done my best to take care of my body). I kept you out of harms way, you’ve never broken a bone, and I haven’t been sick enough to need to go to the hospital. In return it feels like my body’s decided to betray me in one of the shittiest ways possible. it’s hard because Gender Dysphoria is seen as a mental health issue not a bodily disease, so I can’t just take some medicine and become cured. I don’t know whether to hate my body for being wrong or my brain for not being able to see my body as “correct”. I’ve binded my chest and cried over my period for too long for me to handle anymore. The social Dysphoria is mind numbingly annoying since no one assumes someone is non-binary and I express myself “too feminine” for people to assume I’m a boy. And if I hear one more “my gender is an attack helicopter” joke I’m gonna steal someone’s kidneys.

With annoyance, anger, and other a-words, a non-binary malevolent slime.

Miles, USA

Like Clockwork

Dear Pill,

Thank you for halving the amount of pads I have to use each period and for taking the stress of not knowing when my period will show up!

Thank you for minimising the back pain and cramps I used to get but had to ignore!

Thank you for making life just a little bit easier to deal with by taking the period stress away making it all work like clockwork!

Sincerely, Me

Kate, UK

Not Dirty

Dear period,

Thanks for forcing me to get comfortable with my vagina. thanks for making me spend countless hours digging for my menstrual cup the first time I used one, getting covered in blood and not feeling disgusted, because it wasn’t dirty. It was natural. Thanks for helping me understand my health, by disappearing when I had disordered eating, reminding me that skinny doesn’t equal healthy. Thanks for being predictable. Thanks for being 3 days long. Thanks for making me feel in tune with my own experience of womanhood, but allowing me to realise that being a woman is not confined to having a vagina that bleeds, or breasts that ache for half the month. and I mean ACHE, that is something I don’t thank you for, period.

Yours faithfully, your owner

Anonymous, UK

Back and Forth

Dear natural hormones,

I have had such a massive journey with you even if it's only been three years. From 16 I used artificial hormones because I hated how irregular and spotty you made me and not having a clue what to do about it except take a pill. Three years later, after going back and forth with overwhelming types of contraception thrown at me, I have invited you back into my life. Not only do I know a hell of a lot more on how to manage you, but I'm also able to embrace you and nurture you for when I need you in 20/30 years.

From your body

Anonymous, UK

Managing PCOS

Dear (possible) PCOS,

You suck!
The weight gain and the inability to lose weight sucks. The excess hair that has made me self conscious since I was young sucks. The intense period pain sucks.

Luckily, finding a diet that works in lockdown by reducing the sugar I eat and exercise has meant that I've managed to lose a stone so far and I'm no longer classed as obese! Now to finding a method of coping with the rest!

Thank you to my hormonal coil for helping with this so far. Gone from having around a 60 day cycle on the implant to a 30 day one on the coil! Big up the coil!!

Here's to the future and managing the rest!

Cait

Caitlin, UK

Rough Start

Dear Implant,

We had a rough start in our relationship. The first year of having you was rocky, periods every two weeks or two months. But 3 and a half years later, we’re on our second implant and life has never been better. Thank you for taking away the periods and the pain that came with them. If you could be so kind as to get rid of the PMS and spots that come with it though, that would be great!

Anonymous, UK

Cracking Pair of Tits

Dear pill,

I am so sorry it took me so long to meet you, but thank you. I know you made me put on some weight which initially made me self conscious but I have a cracking pair of tits now thanks to you, and the little tummy I have now is so much better than periods that lasted more than a week and caused me so much pain and discomfort. Please keep working xxx

Kate, UK