A Secret Miscarriage

Dear miscarriage,

You caused me heartbreak, you caused me pain. I didn't know I was pregnant until I had you. At first I was confused, it wasnt time for my period and I didn't know I missed one because I'm on birth control and skipped the withdrawal bleeding. But soon it became apparent that you weren't a period. I called my doctor and they said it was most likely a miscarriage, but because of COVID-19 they didn't want me to come in to the office. Besides the doctor only one person knows, my best friend. Not even my friends with benefits (who would have been the dad), I was away at the time, I was staying with my mom so he didn't know anything was wrong. I know I should have/should tell him but I can't. I'm not afraid he'll be mad at me, because that's not who he is but I know that news would stress him out... Miscarriage I feel both heartbroken and also relieved by you. I'm not ready to be a mom, I'm only 22. I can't be a mother, I don't even know how to take care of myself most days...

Sincerely,
A stressed out 22 year old
Anonymous, Canada